What's my name again?
by Raven Wings
Summary: *COMPLETED* I wanted to write a fic where the words 'Harry' and 'Potter' were not mentioned once. Voldemort's dead, and someone is feeling a little left out when it comes to the celebrations...Purely a humour fic.


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DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine. Why? Cause I am about as creative as a box of rocks. That's why. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: I wanted to write a story that didn't mention the name Harry Potter once. So, I did. Reviews shall be worshipped, opinions shall be considered, and flames shall be laughed at. Kapiche?

Dumbledore clinked his gilded fork against the edge of his glass. "Silence!" he called out, a twinkle in his eye, and all the chatter in the room died down.

The Great Hall had never looked better. The coats of armor shone brightly, and the Hall was decorated with the gold and scarlet Gryffindor colors. The students were all in their finest dress robes, and the delicious looking food was artistically arranged on each plate.

Dumbledore stood up, holding his golden cup. "As you know, we are all here to celebrate the demise of the evil Lord Voldemort!"

Everyone clapped and cheered. Except, of course, for the Slytherians, who had their usual haughty expressions on their faces, and especially Draco, who was bawling his eyes out.

Dumbledore tapped his cup again, and slowly the hubbub died down again. He cleared his throat. "We all know that without the contribution of some very ingenuitive 7th year students we may still be fighting the Dark Lord. So, I would like you all to give a big round of applause for Ron and Hermione!"

The fledgling witches and wizards of Hogwarts roared their approval. The Hall shook with the force of their cries of joy, and, blushing, Ron and Hermione stood up. Both bowed quickly, and sat down again.

Dumbledore raised his glass high. "I would be honored to toast these two. Their devotion to scool pride, justice and righteousness brings a tear to my eye! I know that I myself was sure that on this day we would be toasting...um, what's his name? That guy...so, to instead be honoring this pair is a welcome surprise!"

"Here here!" Professor McGonall yelled suddenly, standing up and also raising her glass. Soon, all the students were standing, with their glasses held high. Even the Slytherians stood up, begrudgingly, at a look from Dumbledore- with the exception of Draco, who was still balling into his napkin.

By now, Ron was scarlet red, as Seamus and Neville clapped him on the back. Hermione was surrounded by a gaggle of girls, all giggling away about how cute Ron was. Hermione was joining in their mindless chatter half-heartedly, when she noticed someone who wasn't celebrating.

Hermione caught Ron's eyes, and jerked her head towards the sulking figure. Ron nodded slightly, and they both broke away from their adoring groups, and headed over to the person. When he saw them coming, the boy slipped out of his seat, and through the door. No one gave him a second glance.

Ron and Hermione were having a little more trouble escaping. People kept stopping them to shake their hands and congratulate them. By the time they got away from the throng of people, and entered the corridor, the person was gone.

"Damnit!" Ron hissed in frustration. "Where'd whats-his-name go?"

Hermione fished her wand out of her pocket, and waved it in the air. "_Trakarius Maniare_!" she said, and her wand floated into the air. It hovered for a moment, spinning like a compass, before shooting off down the corridor. 

"Come on." Hermione said, grabbing Ron's wrist ad dragging him along. They followed the floating wand to the prefects bathroom.

"Anti-bacterial." Hermione called, and the entrance swung open. They both stepped inside, and the boy, who was sitting on the floor in the corner stared at them startled. 

"How did you find me?" he asked angrily.

Ron shrugged. "Hermione cast a tracking spell."

The boy's face became flushed with anger. "Ah yes. Hermione, the great caster and creator of spells." he said sarcastically. "I was the one who should have destroyed Voldemort! Not you!"

Hermione frowned. "Now really, you're being ridiculous...um, you. I came up with the curse. Why shouldn't I have used it? And so what if Ron had to help me, and do it at the same time to ensure he really died? You were unconscious at the time!"

"Yeah, what did you want us to do, wait until you woke up?" Ron added. "That's stupid!"

The boy frowned sulkily. "Well, it would have been the decent thing to do." he grumbled.

"I don't believe this! So what if you're...er, that guy. You are so selfish!" Ron said angrily.

"You don't even remember my name!" The boy yelled. 

Hermione and Ron ducked their heads shamefully. "Yes we do." Hermione lied. "We just can't think of it at the moment. There's been so many reporters, and Ministers of magic from other countries that we've had to shake hands with and stuff. It's understandably that we forget a few unimportant details."

The boy gaped at her. "Unimportant? **_UNIMPORTANT_**??! I was once the most famous wizard boy ever! There was hundreds of books about me! I'm The Boy Who Lived!"

"And now you're That Guy. Be grateful you still have a title." Hermione admonished him. "Now, Ron and I are going back to our adoring fans. You can do what you like. When you're ready to stop acting like a chile, you can come enjoy the festivities again."

Holding her head high, Hermione stepped out of the bathroom. Ron shook his head in disgust at the boy. "You selfish sod." he said, then followed Hermione.

The boy sighed, as he was once again left alone.

"Hey! Listen!" A voice called. (A.N.: _If you are a Zelda fan, you will have a chuckle over that last little bit_.) The boy looked up to see the picture of the mermaid over the bathtub glaring down at him.

"What do you want?" he asked her glumly.

"This bathroom if for students of Hogwarts only, so scat!"

He stared up at her. "I am a student! I've used this bathroom hundreds of times!"

"I've never seen you before." The mermaid said haughtily. "So piss off!"

The boy gaped. In all his time at the school, he had never heard a picture swear. He didn't think they were even capable of it. Sighing again, he stood up, and left.

He climbed up the staircase in the Gryffindor Tower, leaping over a few trick stairs that were remnants of Fred and George Weasly pranks, and reflected over his woes, until he reached the Fat Lady.

"Password!" she trilled chirpily. 

Gritting his teeth, the boy gathered up his courage and prepared to speak the current password. "Voldemort's dead." He spat out.

The portrait swung open. He was about to step through, when the Fat Lady spoke again. 

"Say are you new here?" she asked. "I don't know your face. You know, you really should be down in the Great Hall, celebrating those two marvelous children with everyone else."

The boy scowled, face turning bright red. "I've already been down. Ron and Hermione aren't that great. And I've been at this school for the past seven years!"

"Reeeeaaaaaaally?" The Fat Lady asked, drawing the word our. "Terribly sorry then, dear. What's your name again?"

He slumped, looking defeated. The boy knew it was time to accept his fate. "I'm 'That Guy.'" he said sarcastically.

"How lovely to meet you again, That!" The Fat Lady said cheerfully. "Now, if you don't mind, could you go in now? I'd like to duck down to a friend's picture in the hall for a few moments."

"Knock yourself out." he muttered, stepping in. The portrait closed begin him, and he quickly jogged across the Common Room, and headed for his dorm. Once inside, he dragged his book satchel out from under his bed, emptied out his text books, (managing to drop his Divination book, 'Trudging through Time' on his foot) and began to throw clothes, a few packets of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, and various other items into it. He pulled the Marauders Map out of it's hiding place, and crammed it into a pocket, and took out his Invisibility Cloak. Finally, he walked into the bathroom, and, taking a pair of scissors out of the draw, snipped his fringe to clearly show his lighting bolt scar. He then went back down into the Common Room.

He slung the satchel over his shoulder, and pulled on the cloak. He was now effectively hidden from the world. He was about to push open the portrait, when a coughing caught the boy's attention. He whirled around to see a head sticking out of the fireplace. 

"Sirius!" he cried joyfully, and the head looked around wildly. 

"Who's there?" Sirius demanded.

The boy took off the hood of the cloak, and a look of disappointment crossed his face. "Oh, it's you...umm, yeah you. Where's Hermione and Ron?"

The boy groaned, put the hood of the cloak back up, and stepped out of the room, leaving Sirius with his head still in the fireplace. He pulled out the Marauder's Map and examined it. Then, to his delight, he realised that Mrs. Norris was right near the hidden tunnel to Hogsmeade. 

With no sound, but the faintest whisper of cloth against the ground, he crept along the corridors of Hogwarts to the statue of the witch, which hid the Hogsmeade tunnel. Mrs. Norris was still there, bulging eyes surveying the corridor. Quietly, the boy crept up behind her, and gave her a quick, hard kick in the side.

With a yowl of shock, she bolted down the hallway, and chuckling, the boy opened up the secret tunnel. He had been waiting to do that for years. Still laughing quietly to himself, he slipped down the darkened corridor, and disappeared from Hogwarts, and the memories of everyone there.

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10 YEARS LATER

"Hey, That! Get yer sorry ass outta here!" The bar tender at the Leaky Cauldron called to the pathetic looking man crouched under a table, with six mugs of butterbeer around him. 

Reluctantly, the man crawled out, managing to knock over four of the mugs in the process, and the bar tender, who's name was Tom, groaned as the amber liquid spread over the floor. "Great! More of a mess to clean up. Are ye 'appy?" He yelled, his thick Scottish accent full of rage. 

The man stared at him blearily, long black matted hair falling into his green eyes. "Wot's that?" he said. 

The bartender groaned again, and guided him to the exit, giving him a swift kick to the rear, and sending the man tumbling onto the empty street of Diagon Alley. "And don't ye come back until you've got the money for yer tab!" Tom called, as the figure staggered off down the street.

He went back into the bar, and grabbed a mop from under the counter. One of the waitresses, a new girl called Sally stared at him in surprise. "Why Tom, it's not like you to treat a person like that."

Tom grunted, and began mopping up the mess on the floor. "That Guy isn't a person. He jus' showed up about ten years ago, nothin' more than a bairn. Started drinkin' and been back every day since. Kept muttering for the first few years 'bout how he was "The Boy Who Lived" but I dinna know what he was talkin' 'bout."

Sally frowned, her blue eyes crinkling at the edges. "Hmm. Sounds familiar. Say, wasn't there a kid about thirty or so years ago called that?"

Tom leaned on his mop, thinking about it for a moment. "I think yer right. Well, jus' confirms what I've always suspected. The guy's as nutty as a loon." He pondered for a second. "Still, canna help but feel a bit sorry for the poor man. 'Specially with a name like 'That Guy.' Maybe I'll offer 'im a job when he comes in again."

The waitress smiled at him. "Tom, you've got a heart of gold. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Alright then lass." Tom said, resuming his mopping.

Sally pulled her coat on, and went into Diagon Alley. She pulled a wand out of her coat pocket, and whispered "_Lumos_" to light her way. She was walking past the statue of Ron and Hermione at the end of the street, when she heard a faint muttering.

"I should have destroyed Voldemort. Not you, Hermione..." 

The young waitress crept around to the other side of the statue. Sure enough, That was lying there fast asleep. His hair was brushed back, revealing a strange shaped scar on his forehead.

Feeling an immense wave of pity for the still young man, she tucked two of the Galleons she had earned that night into his hand, before walking off into the dark night.

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Well! Finished it! It's not as funny as I had hoped :( but it shall have to do. Please note, that I do like Harry- but I just couldn't resist the idea of writing a story in which the main character is forgotten. 


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